I was going to give out my own WGC awards, but...

So, today I’m sporting a vicious hangover courtesy of the Writer’s Guild of Canada. I have always heard that the WGC Award evening is the 'Spring Break' of the Canadian film circuit, and now I can verify that this is in fact so. Only with less sex (I think). Mark it in pen. No, Sharpie.

After being disappointed by the WGC Christmas…ahem, sorry…Non-Denominational Holiday Celebration, my future guild’s reputation as the hard-drinking, wise-cracking, gut-busting party people (NOT the description usually tacked on to writers) is reaffirmed. People got sloppy - and if I'm saying that, then its worth mentioning.

Hosted by the always racy Scott Thompson, the ratio of insider humor to gay jokes was about 1:1. I was impressed that he kept such a careful balance. Also was impressed by the lovely polka-dotted young actress from Degrassi, but completely different reasons. As the remarkably tiny awards were handed out, I couldn’t help but wonder what the heck I’d say if I ever won something. Whatever it is, it would definitely start with ‘Fuck yeah!’

I joined up with 5/8ths of my CFC Writers crew (2 out of town, one conveniently omitted…oops) for a drink beforehand. This was our plan to combat the Zero Factor. For those of you who aren’t familiar, the Zero Factor is when you walk into a party, funeral, or conference and it takes only 18.4 seconds to realize you don’t know ANYONE. And it seems like everyone else has been best friends since diapers. Awkward. You proceed to stare at the door, hoping to find that familiar face. Unfortunately, the only face you recognize is that of your watch - which you then stare at, waiting for the event to begin so you don’t stick out as that guy/girl with no friends.

I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I knew many more people than expected. What a good feeling. I actually felt welcome (until the conversation came around to ‘So, what have you done?’). And, there was no Unproduced-Writers-In-One-Corner action either, so that was good. My people, both Jews and scribes, HATE being put in ghettos.

Met some new people, made some contacts, but most importantly, I had a rip-roaring good time with those I consider friends. (BTW, my ‘Are they a friend or a colleague?’ litmus test is measuring the percentage of the conversation that is work related). The lamb was delicious, I was briefed on the very restrictive ‘detox’ diet of a development exec and tried to keep up with a VERY fast, close-talking screenwriter. And, I got to see the CFC gals Stephanie and Jessica, who I really enjoy. The hangover was worth it. And, I finally had an excuse to buy those neat new Tylenol gelcaps on the commercial. You know, the ones with the ‘rapid-release’ holes. I’m a sucker for holes.

Ahhh. Good times. It was great to see every one of you. Even those I don't like, I enjoyed not liking. I hope I’m there next year. And I hope that Scott Thompson leaves his weird paper mache dildo at home.

A final note: If those horrible pictures of Paul, Patrick, Karen, and I ever surface…I hate fake smiling. That’s why I look weird. And, I was drunk. So there’s that too.