TGITIFF!

It's coming.

No, not the Hollywood Blockbuster, "Broken Karr: The John Mark Karr Story" (what is it that makes 3-name guys psycho?). The industry's sensitivity and etiquette will surely stall this producton for at least 3 months before exploiting this nutjob's desperate attempt for his 15 minutes, which, not surprisingly, is older than he likes his women.

I'm talking about THE Film Festival. I call it that because it's the most important festival I've been to (LA fest, for all it's charms, is a distant second), and it's the closest fest of any consequence geographically (sorry, Hamilton Film and Video fest).

I've armed myself with a festival pass, a comfortable day pack, some culturally relevant sunglasses, and closed-toed shoes (it's chilly in the Varsity). Ready? Steady? It's movie-watchin' time!

While I love any excuse to bunker up in a dark room with a Bilbo Baggins-sized tub of popcorn, the festival signals a chance to see films that won't hit the cinemas, and, because I'm too lazy to seek them out, films I'd likely never see otherwise.

Last year's Danish "Pusher" trilogy is a great example. Note: Link is to the original - Pusher 2 and 3 get better and better and round out this gritty Tarantinoesque (the next term on my list to die) spectacle of everything gangsteriffic.

I've also signed up for TIFF's festival blog page. While I'm not contractually obliged to do so, I will attempt to summarize each day's viewing, meetings, parties, and overall experience of pretending I belong in Yorkville.

As things come up, they shall be reported. I'm crazy swamped until the 7th with some freelance copy gigs (bills can be paid, kneecaps safe another month) and finishing up the two scripts I promised before the festival begins.

So for all those who aren't able to attend TIFF, saddle up and stay tuned for a fringe observer's wide-eyed wanderings around the greatest festival on Earth.

And no, if I happen to run into Brad Pitt, I won't tell him you said hi. I'm with Jennifer all the way.

P.S.: Why does J-Lo get to come? Selena and Out of Sight aside, she should stay home and tend to her husband, Skeletor.