TIFF DAY 1

TIFF DAY 1

11:00 AM
KABUL EXPRESS

Squeaked my way into a seat at the last minute. This guy’s breakfast Dr. Pepper is occupying MY cup holder. Had to wedge a water bottle between my legs. The stress of keeping my crotch dry from designer water cost me at least three grey hairs.

I remember reading about this film in Variety, specifically the mag touting director Kabir Khan as the only regional renegade capable of making the first film shot entirely in Afghanistan since the fall of the Taliban. I remember thinking, ‘cool!’, followed by ‘this guy's got big ones.'

Synopsis: Weeks after September 11th, two Indian journalists go to Afghanistan hoping get a rare interview with a Taliban member. They finally find one – who kidnaps them and their chauffeur, forcing them to sneak him to the Pakistani border.

What’s good: The two leads, John Abraham (if it were the 80’s, he’d be the Indian Richard Grieco) and Arshad Warsi were excellent. They were a great buddy duo. And despite the subject matter, the film had some classically funny moments. Humanizing the Taliban kidnapper is what separated this film from an American version of the same story. The climax, while predictable, still evoked an emotional response from a jaded, seen-it-all-before audience of press and industry folk.

What’s bad: It was a bit of a struggle casting the American Reuters journalist who’s beauty is only surpassed by her….

Well, usually, this character has another redeeming quality, but the only thing she contributed to the film was getting the other characters in trouble. The audience actually groaned at the trite, melodramatic dialogue that Khan gave her (as the rest of the writing was tight, was this a deliberate attempt to embarrass the sole American character? I hope so).

And another thing: Whoever told Linda Aresnio she could act was lying. She made Beyonce’s performance in Goldmember look like Meryl in Sophie’s Choice. The last time I saw such an over-the-top performance, the pony-tailed pizza man just followed the sorority girl to her bedroom so she could get the correct change (and I could go on…)

And for most of us westerners who ignorantly assume Afghanistan and India and Iraq and Iran are all the same cratered oppressors, the film did an excellent job of separating and identifying Indian ideology and characteristics from Afghan, from Pakistani.

“These guys carry guns like we carry cell phones.” A great line of dialogue from the two Indian journalists.

Overall, I enjoyed it. And I won the arm-rest.

1:45
LONDON TO BRIGHTON

Got a seat where I could put my feet up. I heard a recent study that this increases viewing pleasure 187%. Don’t ask me to cite my sources, but suffice to say I could have watched the Motorola commercial on a 90-minute loop and been pleased as punch (whatever that means).

Billed as the gritty gangster funfests that the Brits are known for, this flawed but watchable film was really about the loss of innocence. It was certainly much more emotionally commanding than the average mob flick, but the gangster stuff actually wasn’t very interesting – especially the antagonists, who were foul-mouthed, 5-o’clock shadowed carbon copies of the worst Guy Ritchie villian.

Fortunately for this film, the protagonists were great, and a departure from the norm.
The film followed an unattractive streetwalker and a 12 yr. old runaway as they flee from the mob. The only twist on the "common-pimp-bullied-by-a-organized-boss-into-catching-one-of -his-hoes-who-done-him-wrong" story was this: Within 5 minutes, the mob boss cut the tendons of pimp’s hamstrings, causing the pimp to run around England limping and bleeding, chasing our heroines for two acts. Talk about really cranking the stakes and tension.

I liked it despite itself and was engaged right up until the predictable ending. I have never understood why we defer to Movie Logic in this scenario:

Mob boss sends the henchman to do hunt down someone who fucked him over. Only in the third act, once he gets them all together, in a ‘dramatic twist’ he kills the henchman and lets the two people (always our heroes) he’s spent the WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE HUNTING walk away free.

So, dog sends cat to catch mouse. Cat comes back with mouse, dog kills cat. Why didn’t dog just kill cat at the beginning? Why put cat throught the motions? Why worry mouse unnecessarily?

Enough about dogs and cats. Today was Festival Lite. I’m going to get a good night’s sleep. Because tomorrow, after a hectic viewing schedule, the parties begin.