TIFF DAY 6

TIFF DAY 6

It had to happen. I half-hoped I could dodge it, but, in true TIFF fashion, I was predestined for a day of stinker films. Apparently it’s a right of passage…I think I read that somewhere. So now I'm in the club, right? Right?

9:45AM
SHEITAN

I chose this film because it had the most interesting picture in the program guide. It showed a pretty blonde on all fours, catching the squirt from a sheep’s lactating udder in her smiling mouth. How bad could it be? It’s got pretty blondes, sheep, milk, and the first line in the description reads: “Fueled by pussy, booze, drugs, and hip hop…”. All the pillars of an instant classic.

And the first 20 minutes were great – high energy, aggressively charged cinematography, lots of swearing and violence...

But in the next 40 minutes, the film derailed for me. It went from a rambunctious party film to an awkward pursuit of sex. The singular focus of the three male leads was not engaging – I wasn’t rooting for any of them to get what they want. They spend the middle of the film rooting around this chick’s rural mansion and playing with her dad’s doll collection. And that’s pretty much it. Honest.

In the last 30 minutes, it turned into a gratuitously gory horror film, where our 5 teenagers run round and round dodging the menacing Joseph (more on him later). Then, I gasped in horror as it seemed to lean on the broken crutch of ‘it was all a dream’. I almost stormed the scene in disgust. Thankfully, the filmmaker took ‘Bad Endings 101’ and decided to make the dream a dream and return to the grotesque reality we just left (following? Me neither). By the end, I was rubbing my eyes from all the gross blood, and kinda shrugging. Huh? was the question of this film. I’m not sure what it was or what it wanted to be, but the confused muddling of set pieces, violent outbursts, and sexy advances didn’t amount to much.

The beacon of light comes from excellent actor Vincent Cassel, who plays Joseph, a simple groundskeeper who just might be the devil reincarnate. He steals the film from the other actors and the director with his ability to portray the character’s cerebral struggle on screen. It was a pleasure to watch.

Again, if you have a chance to see Sheitan, turn it off after they get to the country. It’s all downhill from there.

12PM
ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE

An attempt to scratch the gloss of contemporary teen slasher films, Mandy Lane suffered from the same genre confusion that plagued Sheitan. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with dancing between genres, if it’s sloppy and seemingly without direction, it’s going to scream on the screen. And your audience won't.

The first scene was well done, where we learn why Mandy and Emmett are no longer friends. Then they all pile into rich-kid cars and head for an overnight at the secluded ranch – haven’t they seen the same teen horrors we have? You NEVER, EVER bring three hot girls and three cool guys to the middle of nowhere for a night of booze, drugs, and sex. Sure, you may get laid, but you won't live to brag about it.

Throw in a handsome ranch-tender (played by Anson Mount, Jim Caviezel’s long-lost younger brother) who’s handy with a shotgun, and you’ve got your obligatory red herring target. Only you know exactly who the killer’s going to be before they even leave for the ranch, so the red herring has no impact.

Then, as the teens die one by one, the writer (and first time director – surprise!) throws in a couple twists and turns showing that Mandy Lane isn’t so innocent after all – only logically, this doesn’t work. These plot ‘surprises’ are contrived, uninspired, and cliché. This worked great in the Scream films, which were satires of the genre. Mandy Lane wants to be a satire – but only when it is convenient for a line of dialogue or a one-dimensional character. Otherwise, it takes itself way too seriously for it to be dramatic. Even the ‘scary’ moments aren’t particularly scary, save for the one scene where the slasher cuts the eyes of a soon-to-be-bludgeoned, leaving him to crawl around a dark field while being tortured.

I heard people saying that they liked this highly anticipated film. The Weinstein Co. bought Mandy Lane, what should be a direct-to-video film, at this festival. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe the Weinstein’s are right – this is only a matter of opinion - But I felt disappointed with what ultimately was just the same old, same old uninteresting, predictable film.

2:45
THE LAST WINTER

Disappointed by the last two films, I was looking forward to what was billed as a ‘sharp, nervy ghost story’ and eco-critique. First off, who writes these TIFF blurbs? And why are they forced to sugarcoat elements of these films, even though they’re blatantly not good? I would much rather they avoid the negatives and focus on the positives rather than euphemizing the negatives into redeeming qualities.

In what was ultimately a thinly veiled critique of Cheney’s top-secret energy plans, the ghost story seemed to be fabricated so that the writer/director could get his point across without having to make a documentary. The resulting script and performances lacked any punch or originality, and honestly, was painful to watch. The worst film of the day – I walked out.

I figured after three bad films, I better not push my luck. I have a big day tomorrow to prepare for, which I’ll tell you about…tomorrow.