Week 3 - I think the CFC stands for 'Could you Fucking Clarify?"

Or 'Centre For Confusion'.

Another week passed. Got some good news and some bad news.

I always like the bad news first. Better to build yourself back up after disappointment. I’ll just assume everyone else (the three people who read this) feel the same. I know James Frey will take the fact that he's been branded a liar and shove it in his vault behind his zillions of dollars. As they say, any publicity is good publicity...

First, the bad news: The CFC has chosen not to proceed with development of our pilot SELF HELP. To be honest, I’m surprised and confused. I was given every indication short of actual confirmation that we would at least get to the next step. Our producer was sent a very polite letter basically saying that our script was too ambitious (read: expensive) for their $200,000 budget. Further evidence of this: I know one project that they’ve chosen to move forward with centers around 1 character in a room without furniture – a show that (concept/story merits aside, as I’m not fully familiar) is basically Sri Lanka to our India in terms of scope.

The fact is it seems like we were turned down for reasons they told us to ignore. We knew from day one that our show was bigger than the 200K allowed, but they told us not to worry about it, that it ‘was putting the cart before the horse’. Their response was that “we shouldn’t think about production when working out the concept. Don’t tailor the scope to fit the parameters.” Okay, sounds good, but still seemed a little inconsistent. When I told them that we were consolidating scenes to save locations, they told me to stop, that ‘we shouldn’t hold back locations and characters – do what serves the story - it’s the idea that matters.’ Everything production-wise would be dealt with as the development process continues.

The direct advice from the mouth(s) of those making the decisions contradicts their reasons for making their decisions. Apparently, they also went with more reality-based programming, rather than serial or sitcom, which is what SELF HELP is. Because if there’s one thing we have a deficit of in Canada, it’s bad, derivative reality TV. I still refuse to ride the Go Train.

One of the things I find confusing about the entire CFC operation is that their ‘passionate mandate’ to be edgy and take risks seems to sit in a perpetual backseat to their hard-on for being conservative. This mentality is echoed in the SDF program, the FFP, and sadly, throughout Canada.

But, while I’ll admit that I was upset for ten minutes following the news, I’m now officially over it and moving on. You heard it here first. We’re still going to proceed with the re-write on the SELF HELP pilot. Our producer is apparently gung-ho to approach broadcasters on our own, still believes in the merits of the project, and I’m not quite ready to bury SELF HELP as a learning experience just yet. Now we certainly don’t have any parameters to fit into other than those inherent in the story – which is, ultimately, a relief. I’ll keep you posted if there’s anything to post.

And now, for the good news.

Apparently, a producer with a new green-lit show wants to meet with me. This is flattering, despite the fact that I assume they know nothing about me and want to meet solely because I’m a young guy with a low brow sense of humor and relevant facial hair. From what I gather, it would be a really good opportunity both financially and experientially (not that ad-land isn’t, but…). I cannot yet mention the project, and if anything progresses, I’ll certainly report, but I don’t want to put the cart before the horse…despite how well adhering to that cliché worked before.

A final note: I don’t believe in clouds with silver linings. I consider something positive coming from something negative to be two separate occurrences coincidentally linked by chronology. Otherwise, wouldn’t there be an inverse to that adage – that something bad always comes from something good? The fact that the two events occurred within the same week only saves me from writing one completely depressing post.

I received some excellent story notes on THE SPILL outline from some of my writer alums (notice I say some). Those who responded not only with honest and creative criticism but also with excellent solutions and suggestions have really made me proud to be a part of such a supportive group, and I look forward to being able to assist them with any of their projects in the future. I think that those who consistently don’t give notes but send their own projects out and ask for feedback will slowly learn that it’s a two-way street…and you can’t straddle the yellow line forever.

Rejuvenated by the notes and the freedom from the fallout, this weekend is dedicated to THE SPILL and SELF HELP – The former on Saturday, and the latter on Sunday.

Have a great weekend!

Week 2

While time is a constant and completely predictable rhythm, the direct and undeniable correlation between what you do with it and how fast it seems to move is really amazing.

When you gotta wake up, scramble some eggs, ride the rocket (without getting coughed on), and trudge into an office for five consecutive days, time flies. At first it seems to be exactly the opposite – but when you look back at the week, it is gone in one big hazy cloud of insignificance and bagged lunches.

On Tuesday we had a long and frank story meeting for SELF HELP with our producer, and I felt that it was really productive. I think we finally became honest about the pieces that weren’t working on the page (that we’re convinced it’s fucking funny in our heads is no longer good enough), and the direction our re-write will be facing will ultimately streamline, focus, and tighten the overall pilot (all more or less the same thing - but I like the rhythm of 3’s). Which, I am learning, actually INCREASES the comedy. Go figure. All the smug people who have told this scribe, admittedly addicted to unnecessary complications, that ‘less is more’ will probably sleep a bit better tonight, without knowing why.

Other successes of the week: I followed up with the producers whom I met during the one-on-one sessions at the CFC’s conclusion, and some of them actually a) remember my name and b) seemed to have really meant it when they said they’d like to have a read.
Until now I was absolutely and unequivocally convinced that no one in the film industry had the titles of any of my projects committed to memory. Alas, for the first time this week, I was wrong. So, I sent ‘em what they wanted. More on this as is comes…

This week/weekend, I plan to expand THE SPILL from outline into some sort of ‘treatment’ shape. Not exactly sure how this will pan out, as it’s not the typical process I go through before heading to draft – but I think due to working in a genre that I’m not familiar with, it’s good to get everything mapped as best I can before I set Movie Magic on fire with my snazzy dialogue.

Project number 2 is to draft a beat sheet for a 1hr. dramatic series I’m working on. There are few things as aptly named as a ‘beat sheet’ - because you have to beat yourself over the head to get one that makes sense. It’s just so much more fun to go straight to draft…I mean, who cares about things like logic and structure and conflict…it’s all bikinis and convertibles and Ugg boots, anyway.

I am proud to say that I met up with some of my fellow writer alums (and one director, ‘cause he laughs funny and always smells like proscuitto) for some drinks on Friday night. I am thrilled that we’ve not all become too cool or competitive or self-conscious or self-destructive to get together and share stories and cheap beer. Numbers are bound to whittle as time passes, but I hope the good guys stick around.

A question regarding prioritizing your projects: Is it ‘better’ (for lack of a more precise word) to have 6 decent first drafts, or 3 tight screenplays? I’m talkin’ when you’re just startin’ out and tryin’ to get some fundin’. Does it make more sense to pump out a draft and then move on to another story, to have as many completed screenplays as possible? Or are you better served to work on polishing (let’s say three passes) before moving on? Is there any truth to collecting/compiling drafts and then pursuing someone to actually PAY you to polish it? I’m lookin’ at you, KW, for some answers…

Until the weekend, everyone go and vote. Since you can’t vote for Kobe, do me a favor and don’t make it Harper.

A response from my Liberal MP

FYI:

To those who are interested, below is a response from my liberal MP regarding her party's plans for Canadian drama. I've emailed the other candidates in my riding, but have recieved no response from them. If anyone else has gotten a response from the Liberals regarding this topic, I'm curious: is it similar? Have we been handed a form response and brushed to the side? I hope not.

DISCLAIMER
If you're not in the entertainment industry, this probably is of no interest to you.


Dear Mr. Budd,

I think that arts and cultural products are an important expression of
Canadian values and make an important contribution to our national identity.
I believe that it is important that we support and encourage the development
of Canadian films and tv programs, and ensure that there is a strong
domestic and international audience to enjoy them.

Canadians are best served by a broadcasting system that offers an ample
supply of high-quality, distinctively Canadian content that enlightens,
entertains and informs citizens. It is this type of programming that brings
us together through common experiences. To achieve this, the Liberal
Government has developed a Canadian content strategy that will:

· Put more emphasis on high-quality Canadian content that reaches wide
audiences in the Francophone or Anglophone markets, and that tells Canadian
stories and reflects Canada in all its diversity;

· Put emphasis on funding Canadian drama, children’s programming,
cultural programming, and documentaries that reaches wide audiences;

· Provide the CBC with specific funding for the provision of high-
impact programming consistent with its public service mandate; and,

· Consider a number of measures to simplify funding in order to
provide greater economic efficiencies and improved priority setting.

Our Government’s funding for the CBC of $60 million in 2005-06 specifically
for the development of high quality programming, is an expression of this
commitment.

In order to ensure efficient and effective practices for monitoring Canadian
content, the Liberal government will focus the mandate of the Canadian Audio-
Visual Certification Office and task it to conduct Canadian content
certification on behalf of federal agencies and programs.

The CRTC is the central body for regulating and overseeing the Canadian
broadcasting industry. The Liberal Government remains confident that the
CRTC has successfully helped the broadcasting system achieve its objectives.
However, in an era of constant change and emerging new challenges, the CRTC
should continuously and systematically review its regulatory policies and
regulations to determine if they are achieving their stated objectives, and
indeed whether those objectives remain valid over time. In this regard, the
Liberal Government will ask the CRTC to prepare annual reports concerning
the steps it has taken to streamline its rules, regulations and decision
making processes. Furthermore, the Liberal Government will explore whether
monetary penalties should be added to the CRTC's toolkit for ensuring
compliance with broadcasting regulations.

I hope this information is helpful to you and that I can count on your
support on January 23rd.
Sincerely,
Carolyn

Work Week 1

Before I begin: Anyone watch 'Lost' last night? The show, while totally awesome, can't get any more mysterious without me flying down to LA with a couple of guys named Sanchez, knocking on Damon Lindehof's door, and demanding some answers.

NOW:

Upon successful completion of my first week of day worker/night writer status (not to be confused with Night Rider – I’m nowhere near as cool or coifed), I’ve come to two important realizations. And while they may have been prompted by someone far wiser
than myself, I have absolutely no problem taking the credit.

Realization 1: Instead of worrying about how many hours I dedicate to writing, and feeling disappointed if I don’t hit my self-imposed quota, why not focus my energies on tangible, results-based goals? It’s just so much less stress…

Par example: This weekend, I plan to have my low-budget thriller outline completed as well as draft up a bunch of emails I have to send out Monday to producers. This seems much easier to attain and more satisfying than watching the clock and feeling worthless when the words don’t hit the page at an appropriate rate. This type of thinking just seems more healthy and less like the Baywatch movie (that is, set up for inevitable failure).

Realization 2: Corporations work slow. Real sssslllllooooowwwww. I find it unbelievable. I come in on day one, do what I’m told, and then wait for six different people to approve the work before I can take another step forward. It’s mind-boggling how inefficient things are ALLOWED to run. Not only allowed, but applauded when people actually make a decision! I’m sure that both the Canadian film system (or lack thereof) and the US Studio structure work with similar lethargy, so when I do experience their own unique brand of ineptitude, I promise to bitch and moan about it as well. I don’t like to exclude. Reminds me too much of childhood.

But maybe that’s why I enjoy writing so much: Because it’s working alone. Just me and my head (and sometimes my heart). I can work at my own pace and schedule without slowing or speeding to someone else’s.

I’m not knocking co-writing, but it is a slower process. And yes, speed doesn’t always mean good. But it means progress and efficiency, as long as you’re paying attention.

P.S. Still not smoking. I promise. Not even a drag – and it’s still super-simple. I’m at the stage where I can’t stand the smell of smoke as I pass it on the street. My girlfriend (a quitter in her own right) says that this stage is followed by a much more difficult one. I’ll let you know.

P.P.S. I might as well begin the 'Week Ahead Sched'. Up next week is a meeting with the SELF HELP team, and two meetings with two different cowriters: One on a hour long drama series I'm developing, and one on a Canadian comedy (still in early stages). Will report again next week, unless something exciting (my definition of exciting does vary from week to week) occurs.

A busy week in '06!

Multiple things to report - and for once, all of ‘em are good. No mysterious rashes to rain on my parade this time! Here, in no particular order, is what I'm calling the ‘Yay for Me!’ Triumvirate:

First up: I quit smoking! And, it was really, really easy. Easier than coughing, easier than going to the ATM daily - easier than smoking. Upon a fellow alumni’s advice, I read ‘The Easy Way To Quit Smoking’ (author: Allen Carr), and haven’t really thought about it twice since. But, worry not: Here’s where I promise not to turn into the Preachy Paul many reformed smokers morph into, chewing three packs of Excel a day while pointing fingers. I enjoyed it, and now I look back with fond memories of my Belmont Milds - but, like myself and gin martinis, we’re just better off apart.

Second: Our submission to the CFC’s pilot Pilot Programme went in on Friday. (A bit of back-story: myself and my creative partner from Ryerson teamed up with a CFC alum from a few years back to develop a series called SELF HELP. I, and a handful of others, think it's pretty darn funny. We’d been working on it for about a year when KE introduced the program, so it was a natural fit to submit. That, and we already had the work done.)

The program should really be called a contest, as that more accurately describes the process, but ‘contest’ seems to scare people because no one wants to be known as a loser (although the way some people carry on…). This contest is open only to projects with an attached producer, which we didn’t have prior to the announcement. The CFC sent us a list of folks in mid Dec. that they thought would be a good fit. Now: we’ve always been aware that SELF HELP 's label will be one of those ‘either you get it or you don’t’ type of things, and that broadcasters and producers alike would fall into one of those two categories. Most of the producers on the CFC list, it seems, didn’t get it. We received a bunch of responses that read: ‘Great writing, really funny, love the team, but… we don’t connect to it on a personal level’. One of my co-creators calls this the ‘Canadian version of saying ‘no’’ - the most polite way possible for someone to tell you your show is a half-baked attempt at humor and is destined for stop-motion webisodes. Regardless, we did find a producer who really got it (I think), and seems to really be into working with us. We’re pretty excited about it - sometimes the most unlikely match is the most honest, because nothing is forced or expected. She is the Thelma to our Louise. Apparently option papers are being drawn up now, but more on that as it comes, as well as our series’ status in Pilotsville.

Third: I’ve formally formed a relationship with an agent here in Toronto. I’m a bit shocked at how quickly this came to fruition, but it’s something that will really give me comfort and confidence - in addition to all the other things that go without saying. Because I’ve been leaning toward this agency (While I signed with a particular agent, the delightful lack of competition around their office causes me to refer to the entire agency) for a while, I’ve retained two important pieces of advice on the subject for constant reference:

1. Don’t jump into anything. This is a relationship that (hopefully) lasts for many, many years.
2. On a whole, agents are all the same. They all do the same job, and should all have access to the same people. Therefore, go with your gut: whomever you trust and feel the most comfort with will be a better match out of the gate than someone who, while they can deliver Keira Knightley gift-wrapped on your doorstep, you can’t even mutter their name without your tongue turning green.

These seem to be good rules. Did I follow them? Yes and no. Yes, in that I did research other agents, talked to a few, and looked at what each can do for me. But no, in that I didn’t go much further than that before making my decision.

The reason is not because of haste, impatience, or bias. Ok, maybe a little bias. But frankly, meeting with other agents really showed me some of the things I’m not looking for. All very nice people, with great track records, careers, etc., but you know what? I felt considerably more cared about and safe with one agency - why go against what’s already so pronounced? Because one of SELF HELP’s co-creators is repped by them, I have had an introduction to them and their methods. From day 1, I could see myself there. I’m a casual guy, and they compliment that. There’s a lot of work and dedication necessary to break a new writer, and they are prepared and willing to take those steps - and have done so with great success. And, of all the people I’ve talked to and questions I’ve asked, I’ve not heard a bad story or negative comment regarding their methods or reputation. When I put all this together, it seemed like a no-brainer. Why push away something that would take a good year or so to form (if it ever did) with someone else, if everything else measures up? (By the way, if you disagree, I’d love to hear your reasons why. Seriously.)


BTW, here’s my list of what I was looking for in an agent( and agency):
Responsive
Informative
Have good contacts
Have no secrets
Creative marketing ideas
Persistent
Respectful

Based on this checklist, they fit the bill to a tee.

I’m signing to formal contact this week (I assume). Does anyone have any advice as to what I should be looking for, or paying attention to?

That’s about it. I officially begin my ‘day job’ in ad-land tomorrow. A bit nervous about handling the workload between the 9-5 and my ‘career’ projects I’m writing. I’m trying to work out a schedule in my head. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Monday/Wed: 9-5ish work, then to the gym, then home to write for 1 hr.
Tuesday/Thurs: 9-5ish work, then home to write for 2 hrs.
Friday: 9-5 work, dinner at my parents, then relax.
Saturday: 10-5 write
Sunday 11-5 write

I don’t really work well in the evenings, so weekdays may be hard, but this seems to give me enough time that I’m not going to burn out in two weeks and more importantly (and this is where so many of my plans fail), it seems to be fairly realistic… Until ABC begins its Sunday NBA tripleheaders, when it all turns to shit.

What's bigger: Kong or my guilt?

So:

There’s one night every year that families actually spend together - out of traditional obligation and the perverse joy of snickering with your siblings as Aunty Gail weeps those annual ‘I hate being alone’ crocodile tears in the corner. Chestnuts roasting, eggnog flowing, and the scaly, liver-spotted hands of your great uncle lingering on your thigh for just a little too long …

Ah, the holidays.

Not to be outdone by Chrismukah (or whatever pathetic hybrid those ‘let’s make sure we don’t offend anyone’ assholes are using), I participated in an age-old tradition of my own - one equally as commercial. I went to see an X-mas eve blockbuster: KONG. (Note: Peter Jackson is campaigning to ensure the word itself is furthermore prohibited from being written without caps - true story, my cousin’s best friend’s neighbour totally heard it from this guy at her gym…)

So, there I was, packed in tight with my Jewish, Asian, and Muslim friends (I tallied heads, and we were the demo for the evening - stay tuned for next year’s holiday blockbuster, “Mordechai Chang’s Koraneriffic Peace-Time Jamboree). We laughed, cried, ate overpriced concessions, and left four hours later slightly groggy, with some type of contracted airborne virus all but a given.

Returning home, I immediately set forth to compile evidence for my “the performances were NOT good, no matter how much you think Jack Black showed his ‘range’ ” argument. Three hours and a half-box of chocolate cookies later, an epiphany. Nothing new, just much more pronounced and exaggerated (like when the friend you always knew was gay comes out of the closet and embraces his new lifestyle):

Guilt. I must be producing products, writing writing writing - NOW.

While I acknowledge that segueing from Kong to my own internal conflict is loose and convenient (at best), this is in fact the true chronology of the situation. There's probably a parallel I can make between the big, imposing man-monkey and the inner beast (of the pen) trying to break out from inside me, but I'm not going to stretch just for the sake of clarity.

Why am I guilty? Not really sure, but I think it has something to do with the whole ‘future is completely uncertain and I’m terrified that ten years from now I’ll be bragging about my glory days at the CFC while refilling coffees at a roadside diner in Orillia’. I feel this overwhelming pressure to produce RIGHT NOW. I am tremendously guilty if I don’t spend all of my day writing. Does this make me a real writer? Or is it just my Jewish guilt popping up to say hello over the holidays? Whatever the answer, the fallout from leaving the CFC is awkward and immediate. Suddenly, all this free time. Nowhere to be? No need to set an alarm. Before you know it, it’s just after noon and you awake to Harold Hussein promising ‘winter wonderland’ - code for nasty fucking snowfall - and you determine it’s really just best to stay in bed. Needless to say, it's remarkably pathetic.

So, how do I respond to this guilt, this pressure? With vicious procrastination, of course. The more I feel like I have to do something, the harder I find it is to actually start. Now, I think there’s a valid argument to make regarding the need to recharge after an intense 5 ½ months of (to borrow a retired term) ‘boot camp’. Another argument that I think holds water is the ‘you can’t force words to the page’ angle. Between the two of these, I’ve managed not to hate myself fully for taking a vacation. I’m curious: If anyone reading this (first off, thank you) has come out of the CFC, did you have this ticking clock in your head the minute you walked out that door?


Postscript: I even miss the Klymkiws. Walking south on Bayview and getting sprayed by sludge as someone’s trophy wife drives past in her BMW. Eating full meals from a vending machine - I enjoyed the challenge of satisfying all the major food groups on four loonies and an apple.